The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
