i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize