it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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