I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
