He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
