I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
