shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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