Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
