I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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