I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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