My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
