what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize