there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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