dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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