addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
