it hurts more in the daytime
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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