There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
