Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
