I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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