shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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