Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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