I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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