i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
