I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
