you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
