i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
