she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
