I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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