I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
