OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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