she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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