YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
