I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
