you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
