When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
