if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
