Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
