yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
