I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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