every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
