glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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