I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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