He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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