We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
