All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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