I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
