The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
