I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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