I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
