we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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