You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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