So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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