I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
