So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize