the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
