Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize