That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you inspire me to be a worse person
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
