I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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