Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
