it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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