you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
