My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
