Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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