PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This baby is an asshole
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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