1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
