i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
