i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
