my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
