I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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