ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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