dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
