Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
