I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
