let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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