I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
