Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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