I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
