idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think my moral compass just broke
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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