i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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