just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
