She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
