remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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