I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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