I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
