D3 body, D1 cock
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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