i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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