i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is the high leading the old right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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