Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
